In Fight Club, the narrator is clearly struggling with an identity crisis. Who he is, who he should be, and who he wants to be is constantly battling with each other (often times quite literally). While discussing his insomnia, and how it affects him the narrator asks the question, “If you can wake up, in a different place, at a different time, can you also wake up as a different person?” Throughout the novel we see the narrator as he sees himself, as well as how he would like to be seen. Although not until the big reveal, we realize that Tyler Durden is the manifestation of the parts of the narrator that he desires to become.
This type of duality is not a new concept in literature as we have seen throughout history stories attempting to depict man as a person that is constantly struggling his character and what it is that defines him. From “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” to “The Incredible Hulk”, these stories are always fascinating, and bring to the front the struggles that men can and do face in society.
Today, modern man is often faced with much scrutiny. From a young age, if you are hurt you are told to “tough it out”, “rub some dirt on it”, “Don’t Cry”. Boys are taught in a way that forces them to hide their emotions, if they are seen crying people will lose respect for them and they will never be considered a “Man” until they are able to be strong, emotionally and physically. So this is what we do, we hold it in. We try not to let anyone see the softer side of us, because it’s the part that leaves us vulnerable in society. We grow up believing that we always have to disguise the half of us that is capable of deep emotional thoughts and feelings. Most of these thoughts and feelings remain bottled up, because we know, it is more accepted to see a man that appears strong and always willing to do what is necessary to protect the people around him. The man that is able to always stand up straight with his shoulders back, and assert his dominance to take charge in any situation is the one that often more attractive to females, and also the one that is more likely to land the job that he wants. If you show weakness, you are frowned upon, and often left behind.
I don’t think it is a coincidence that suicide rates in men (specifically middle-aged men) is among the highest in all demographics, yet the depression statistics indicate that women experience it at a higher rate than men. Men get depressed, but keep these feelings bottled up, because it’s shows weakness to talk about it and express these emotions. The amount of emotional stress that a man can keep bottled up inside is impressive, and when not given an adequate release can be detrimental to his health. This is in no way, meant to take away from the emotional stress and turmoil that women go through, because they do go through a lot, but are often times more likely to discuss it as it is more acceptable in society.
You see this in “Fight Club” when the narrator meets Marla, she is way more open about who she is as a person and where she is at in life. She has no problem being upfront with her own faults and even when checking for breast cancer, immediately calls the narrator for assistance because she feels a lump. Marla is an open book, where the reverse has the narrator not even able to tell her what his name is. Tyler even directs the narrator to never talk to Marla about him. Sure on the surface, we see that this is because Tyler is just a figment of his imagination, but on a deeper level this is no different than the narrator’s brain having been trained to keep that side of him hidden. Fortunately for the narrator “Fight Club” becomes an emotional outlet that allows him and other men to get out the frustrations and stress that been built up with no release. It’s a way for men, without talking, to express their feelings and anger. What is unfortunate for the narrator is that he let’s go of himself too much, that Tyler begins to take over, in the way that he ceases to be the part of himself that is an actual functioning member of society, all because it was frowned upon for him to discuss the emotional turmoil that was plaguing his identity.
As we have transitioned into more of a service economy, and trade labor is not done as often as it was during the industrial revolution, men are no longer are able to take out much of the emotional stressors during the work week by swinging a hammer, chopping wood, etc… Men need to be able to express their own struggles without being looked down on, they need to be able to address their concerns without the fear of losing the status of provider. We need to be able to teach the young men of today, that it is okay to discuss how they are feeling, and that it is okay to worry and feel sad. We need to show that young men can maintain the masculinity that is expected, and still show their softer side.
The duality of man has always needed a safe balance, men need to feel masculine but they also need that space to talk and discuss problems as they arise. Too much one way or the other the scales tip and anger is released in a negative way that can push people away.
The narrator’s scales tipped and Project Mayhem was born, he became immersed into his role of Tyler that he lost himself in the mix. Tyler pushed Marla away, the only person that could understand the troubles the narrator was going through.
Men are more complex than we are given credit for, and this is because of how we have attempted to hide our duality throughout generations but if we want to be stronger in the future, and have our sons become better men then us, we must allow them to understand that the duality and turmoil they battle inside their heads is not something that has to be done alone. The first rule is, you have to talk about it…
Books Over Beer 